Mark it wrong

Teacher - If one flower has 3 petals, how many petals are on two flowers?
Little boy - Sixteen
Teacher looks at the boy's picture - Oh, I see. You put 8 petals on each flower. The problem says that there should be only 3.
Little boy - Three petals is a sad looking looking flower. I think there should be eight. I like big flowers.
Teacher - You can't get the right answer if you don't draw the right number of petals.
Little boy - Ok, mark it wrong. I won't draw dead flowers.

Does that mean?

Every year my class writes letters to Santa in the shape of a stocking. We decorate them and hang them up on the wall until just before Christmas.

Several years ago I asked to meet a nice man. I met my husband.

The next year I asked for my own family. My husband proposed to me.

Last year I asked to find a nice home for my new family. We found the perfect place.

So, this past Christmas I thought very carefully about what I wanted. I need to finish my college classes, but I would also like a baby.

My class sat on the rug, everyone holding the stockings that they had written on. We took turns reading what we had asked for.

When it was my turn I read, "Dear Santa, I have been very good. This year I would like a baby."

One little girl raised her hand and asked, "Does that mean Santa's the father?"

I did not hang up my stocking on the wall this year.

Vital information

Teacher returns from lunch and hears that two of the boys in her classroom are at the Principal's office. She goes to the office and asks the boys what happened.

First boy - I bit him.
Teacher - Why would you bite him?
First boy - He was making faces at me.
Teacher - And did biting him make that better?
First boy hangs in head in shame - No, cause now I'm in trouble.

Teacher turns to the other boy - Why do you think he bit you?
Second boy - I was making faces at him from the other table.
Teacher - Why would you make faces at someone?
Second boy shrugs - I didn't know he was a biter.

How do you say it?

Teacher - Punctuation tells you how to say something. If it says...I love you with a period....you say it simply. I love you. If it says....I love you with a question mark.....you say it like a question. I love you? If it says I love you! Then you know you can say it with a lot of expression. I LOVE YOU!

Little boy - How do you say it if you're not reading it?

Was it you?

Little boy - Someone peed under the table.

Teacher to herself while looking over at the large puddle under the table - Who would pee under the table?

Little boy - Someone who really, really had to go and didn't think he could make it to the bathroom?

Teacher looks down at the little boy - Was it you?

Little boy - No, but maybe I should wash my hands.

My nose

Little boy - My nose hurts on the inside.
Teacher - Oh, honey, do you have a cold? Sometimes when you blow your nose a lot it hurts on the inside.
Little boy - No, I think it's the crayon I stuck up there.

Fair share

Math problem - You have fifteen balloons and four friends. What would be a fair number for everyone to have?
Little girl - If I have fifteen balloons I bet it's my birthday. I would give everyone one balloon and keep the rest for me.
Teacher - The math problem is asking for "Fair Share". That means everyone should get the same amount.
Little girl - Not on your birthday.

Sometimes

Teacher - What do you think this word is?
Little girl lets out a heartfelt sigh - I know this is important and all. But sometimes I just want to be with my mom.

I think I'm done

Little girl - "I think I'm done with Kindergarten."
Teacher - "Done?"
Little girl - "I can read. I can add. I want to try first grade now."

Like you

Little girl looks adoringly up at teacher and says - "When I grow up I want to be an old woman just like you."

Santa

Little girl - "Do you believe in Santa Claus?"
Teacher - "Yes, I do."
Little girl leans closer and asks - "Nobody told you yet?"

Scary?

Teacher - "Some animals are scary and some animals are cute. Can you think of an animal that someone might find scary?"
Little boy - "Animals don't scare me. God does."
Teacher takes a moment to think of how to respond.
Little boy continues - "He might be real!"

Gingerbread man

Every year we make a gingerbread man with the class. Of course, when we are baking him a teacher accidentally peeks in and he escapes. He runs around the school, leaving clues for the children to track him down. When we finally catch him we eat him just like the fox did in the story.

Last year when we brought the captured gingerbread man back to the classroom one little girl started to cry.

I said - "Oh, honey, don't cry. We're just about to have a little party. Don't you want to eat the gingerbread man with us?"

She made a sincere plea for the life of a cookie - "Can't we let him go? Hasn't he been through enough?"

We invited our third grade buddies over to discuss the fate of our gingerbread friend. After much debate it was decided that cookies cannot live in the wild. They are meant to be eaten. They actually prefer being eaten to getting soggy out in the rain.

The sweet little girl who had wept for the gingerbread man said - "Ok, then can I have the head?"

Little again

Little girl while waiting in line for lunch - "Mrs. Cardello, if you're ever little again will you come over my house and play with me?"

I loved you first

For Christmas this year I gave every student a pair of gloves with their name written on it with fabric paint. I asked them to remember me and how much I love them when they wear the gloves.

A little boy in my class - "Do you really love me?"
Teacher - "Yes, I do."
Little boy - "Even when I have a bad day and lose playtime, you still love me?"
Teacher - "Yes. It doesn't change."
Little boy is quiet for a moment then says, "I am saving your gloves until I'm a man so I can remember you."
Teacher - "I think that is a beautiful idea."
Little boy ...suddenly worried...."Do you think my wife will get angry?"
Teacher - very near laughing - "Why would she be angry?"
Little boy - "Because I loved you first."

Yes, that too.

Teacher - "Please do not touch the painting as we pass it."
Little boy reaches out to touch it.
Teacher says - "Someone worked very hard to make that. Please do not touch it."
Little boy looks right at teacher and touches the picture.
Teacher says - "During playtime you will have to sit with me to discuss this."


During playtime the boy sits with the teacher to discuss touching the painting.
Teacher - "Why did you touch the painting?"
Little boy - "I wanted to see how it felt."
Teacher - "You looked like you were trying to make me angry."
Little boy smiles - "Yes, that too!"

Don't touch me

Little boy to another boy who accidentally knocked into him on the rug, "Don't f****** touch me."
Teacher - "You can't say that!"
Little boy - "I can't tell him not to touch me?"
Teacher - "Grrrr....."

That's so sad

Little boy - "Do you have a firetruck?"
Officer - "No, only the firemen get those. We have police cars."
Little boy - "That's so sad."
Officer....somewhat wistfully - "Yeah."

Ask the officer

Teacher - "Does anyone have any questions for the officer?"
Little boy - "If your mom and dad go shopping and they take things but they don't pay...is that stealing?"
Teacher - "Put your hand down, honey."

My dad

During a fieldtrip...

Little boy - "Did the Policemen have guns?"
Teacher - "Yes, they did."
Little boy - "My dad has a beebee gun. He shoots squirrels and birds with it."
The little boy's mother - "Ms. Cardello, my husband does have a beebee gun, but I assure you that he does not shoot animals with it."
Little boy added in agreement - "Not when she's around."

Especially for you

Parent - "I know how much you love horses so I got this painting just for you."
Teacher - "Wow, that is really too much of a present. We usually just get candy or a mug."
Little girl standing innocently at the side of her mother, "She won it at a raffle. She doesn't know what else to do with it."

Another word for mother

Teacher - "A synonym is another word that means the same thing. Another word for Daddy is father. Your dad is your father. Do you know another word for Mommy?"
Little boy - "My dad calls my mom a whore since she got a boyfriend."

Meet my father

Little boy - "My dad wants to meet you."
Teacher - (shaking hand of the parent) "Hello. I'm Ms. Cardello."
Little boy looking proudly up from his father's side - "He's going to be walking me home every day now that he lost his license for drunk driving."

Where do they come from?

Little boy - "When I grow up I am going to be a girl."
Teacher - "Oh, sweetie. Little boys grow up to be men."
Little boy - "Then where do girls come from?"

Job descriptions

Teacher - "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little girl - "I don't know. When you were little did you know that you wanted to tell everybody what to do all day?"

Math revelations

Teacher - "Frosty was outside with four of his friends. Icy. Freezy. Chilly and Flakey. How many snowmen do you need to draw?"
Little boy - "Frosty has friends? All these years I have known Frosty and I never thought about if he had friends."

Milk from a cow

Little boy - "Does milk really come right out of a cow?"
Teacher - "Yes, that is true."
Little boy - "Who thought of that?"

Humpty Dumpty

Little girl - "Do you think Humpty Dumpty is angry?"
Teacher - "Why do you ask that?"
Little girl - "He fell down one time. Everyone keeps talking about it."

I love my mom

Little boy - "I love my mom."
Teacher - "That is so sweet."
Little boy - "Someday I am going to marry her."
Teacher - "Oh, sweetie, you can't marry your mom."
Other boy at table - "Because she is too told for you!"

Santa Claus and God

Overheard in line -
Little boy - "Did you know that Santa Claus is watching you all the time? He sees everything you do."
Little girl - "God is watching you, too."
Little boy - "Do you think they take breaks and tell each other what happened?"

Math values

Teacher - "If you have one dollar and you find two more dollars how many dollars do you have?"
Little girl - "Where did you find the money?"
Teacher - "That part is not important. Maybe you found it on the street. How much money do you have now?"
Little girl - "Just because you found it doesn't make it yours. You have to give it back. You still only have one dollar."

Chicken neck

Little boy - "Do you have a mom?"
Teacher - "Yes, I do."
Little boy - "Can you bring her to school?"
Teacher - "She's very old. I don't think she could come."
Little boy - "Is she chicken neck old?"
Teacher lectures boy on how you can and cannot talk about someone's mother.

Same boy a few days later - "Will you marry me?"
Teacher - "I can't marry you, sweetie. I am already married. Plus, I am way to old for you."
Little boy - "Let me see your neck."
Teacher wore turtlenecks for the next few days.

You work?

Little boy - "My mom can't come to the class because she works."
Teacher - "I understand. I can't go to my stepson's plays because of my job."
Little boy - "You have a job? When do you work? You're here all day!"

You looked so pretty

Little girl - "Ms. Cardello, you looked so pretty yesterday."
Teacher - "Yesterday? But not today?"
Little girl - "Not as much today."

You smell nice

Little boy - "Ms. Duquette, you smell nice."
Teacher - "Thank you.!"
Boy sighs - "Just like the zoo."