Is that

It was nearing the end of the year. The children were hot and tired. One boy came up to my desk and said, "It's ok if you don't like my writing today."

I looked down at his paper and saw that he had barely written anything. I said, "Honey, you should never be happy with medeocre."

His eyebrows came together and he asked, "Is that the pudding old people eat?"

That way

At Kindergarten orientation night I noticed one little boy dancing and holding himself. I walked him to the bathroom and explained, "The first one is for girls, but this next one is the boy's bathroom."

He looked up at me and said, "I'm a boy because I have a penis."

I said, "Ok, then go in the boy's room."

He continued on in a confidential manner, "My mom doesn't know why. She said I was just born that way."

Life cycles

Yesterday a little girl in my class raised her hand and said, "I know the life cycle of a caterpillar."

I said, "That's wonderful! What is it?"

She said, "The egg turns into a caterpillar. The caterpillar becomes a raccoon. Then it turns into a butterfly."

I said, "Oh, honey, I think you mean cacoon."

She stuck a hand on one hip and set me straight, "My mother said raccoon."

Thank you

When we returned to our classroom after helping the first graders, one of my students raised his hand and said, "Thank you for giving me a new friend today."

I got all misty when he said it...so did the first grade teacher when I brought him over so he could share his comment with her.

How am I doing?

When we heard that first grade wanted to write letters to the Leprechaun my class offered to buddy up with them to share what we knew about Leprechauns. I explained to my students that they were there to help the first graders.

After about fifteen minutes one of my boys raised his hand, "This is the first time I've been a teacher. How am I doing?"

Leprechauns

The week before St. Patrick's Day, my class wrote letters to the Leprechaun and asked him to visit our classroom. We made "traps" that looked like green presents in hope that one of us would catch him and get his gold.

One little boy must have had a flashback to our Gingerbread man adventure because he asked, "If we catch him, we aren't going to eat him, are we?"

Teacher hugs

I stand at my door in the morning and greet each student as they enter. Many of them give me a hug as they enter the class. Students I had in my class years ago sometimes come by and start their day with quick hug.

Last year a first year teacher came over to my door and said - You certainly hug everyone.

I thought she was referring to the new "don't touch anyone" rules in the schools. - I don't ask any of them to hug me. I'm just not about to tell them they cannot hug me.

She seemed to think about this. - I've never seen anyone hug so many people.

Now I was feeling a bit defensive. - Does it bother you?

She sighed sadly, - No, some days I wish I could get in line.


The first year is tramatic for many. I hugged her.

Never underestimate the impact of being a caring person first and a teacher second.

bucket

On Dr. Seuss's birthday my class ate green eggs and ham. While we were eating we were rhyming.

A student asked me, "Would you, could you with a goat?"
I said, "I would, I could in a boat."
A little boy said, "Would you, could you in a bucket?"
I said, "I'm not sure I know a word that rhymes with bucket."
He thought about it and said, "Fuck it! Fuck it rhymes with bucket."
I bit my lip.
A little hand touched my sleeve. I looked down and another little boy offered, "Do you want me to tell him that it's a bad word?"

How do you do it?

At my school we are still allowed to dress up for Halloween. Last year, I dressed up as the Tooth Fairy. The children in the classroom next door had a difficult time understanding that the it was just a costume.

A few weeks after Halloween a little girl from the other class came up to me in the hallway - How do you do it?

Teacher - How do I do what?

Little girl - How do you get in everybody's house?

Teacher - Sweetie, what are you talking about?

Little girl - Santa has a sleigh. Do you fly?

Teacher - Oh, you mean, as the Tooth Fairy?

Little girl - I know you're the Tooth Fairy, but how do you get to everybody's house in one night? How do you know who lost their teeth?

Teacher laughes - When you grow up, you might want to be a reporter. (Leaning down to tell the child confindentially). I am not actually the Tooth Fairy. I just wore that costume for Halloween.

A second girl joined the first and they moved a foot away from me as if I could not hear them.

Second little girl - How does she do it?

First little girl - She wouldn't tell me.

You don't?

Little boy - You weren't here yesterday.
Teacher - No, I was sick. I stayed home.
Little boy looks confused - You don't live here?

Compliments

A little boy was writing a list of what he likes.

I like dogs.
I like Mrs. Robidoux (our classroom assistant.)


He gave the list to my assistant.

She laughed - I think that's a compliment.

He considered her response for a moment - I almost put you first, but I really like dogs.

Effective but outdated strategies

In my class we have peer tutoring. I encourage the students who have mastered a skill to work with those who are still struggling with it.

One little girl picked up a ruler and smacked the little boy she was tutoring. I ran over there.

Teacher - Honey, you cannot smack your "student".
Little girl puffed up with indignation - My mom says her teachers used to hit her with a ruler to get her to listen.
Teacher shakes her head - Teachers don't hit students anymore.
Little girl - But it works!

Oh, yes!

Little girl - If I were the teacher I would let the kids play all day.
Teacher - Do you think they would learn as much?
Little girl - It's ok if they don't learn this stuff.
Teacher - When you gave your students to the first grade teacher, she would ask you why they did not know how to read and write.
Little girl - They ask you that?
Teacher - Oh, yes! I have to make sure everyone can read for their first grade teacher.
Little girl hugs teacher - That can't be easy.

Love notes

I was at my desk writing down the lunch order when one student approached my desk and slipped me a note. He whispered - Don't show your husband.

Scribbled inside it read - Mrs. Cardello. I love you. You are cute.

He said

During a tour of the local police station my students were shown the confinement cells. Four at a time they were allowed to go in, sit on the bed and look around. An adult went in with each group to make sure they did not touch anything. The young officer who was giving the tour was not our usual guide.

Ther officer was describing the cells as the children looked around inside - There is a bed inside each if someone wants to sleep while they are here. Each cell also has a toilet if you need to pee.

I was gathering up the next group when the officer sounded a little distressed - Someone is peeing in there! One of them is peeing right now!

I rushed over with a male parent chaperone at my side. He said - Who would be peeing in there?

In the middle of the cell, his son stood with his pants around his ankles. I rushed over and pulled up the boy's pants.

The little boy looked up at me in sincere confusion, "He said to pee."

His father could not stop laughing. The officer could not stop laughing.

The other children did not understand the joke. A fellow classmate came to my side to offer support for his friend, "He DID say to pee. I heard him."

I'm sure that is one officer who will choose his words carefully next time.

Just when you think they get it...

My class has been working on graphing all sorts of information for weeks. We would vote on our favortie cereals, tv shows, games. Each time we took a poll, we would convert the information into a graph. I felt confident that they all understood the idea that information could be shown in this form.

Teacher: Using a picture I would like you to show me the following information. I asked my class what they liked better....hamburgers or ice cream. Fifteen said they liked hamburgers better. Ten said they liked ice cream better. How could you show me this in a picture?

Little girl raised her hand confidently: You want us to giraffe it?

This is

I had a little boy in my class one year who had a difficult time following directions. Our class went to the local Children's Museum. He was not staying with the group so I called him over and sentenced him to the ultimate punishment of holding my hand instead of climbing on the displays.

We had gone through several rooms when he looked up at me adoringly and said, "This is just like a date, isn't it?"

I let go of his hand.

Will the real Juan stand up?

On the first day of school I was placing name tags on my new students. My assistant was doing the same thing on the other side of the room.

Teacher - What is your name?
Little boy does not answer.
Teacher - Is your name Juan?
Little boy - Yes.

Next little boy - What is your name?
Little boy - Juan.
Teacher looks at list and says - I only have one Juan on my list.

Assistant calls across the room - I have a Juan over here.

Teacher gathers all of the alleged Juans together at one table and asks the first little boy what his name is.
Little boy - My name is Juan.
Second little boy says - My name isn't Juan. I thought you said John.
Teacher looks at the third little boy - What did you think I said?
Little boy answers - I thought you were talking about lunch.

Angels

One of the boys in my classroom was medically very fragile. He was in and out of the hospital for most of the year. I tested him on his letters and he did not know them in November. He was gone for most of December and January. When he returned I tested him again and he knew all but two of his letters and the sounds that they made.

Teacher - Wow, have you been studying?
Little boy - At the hospital an angel comes to see me every night when I'm sleeping. She helps me with my letters.


I spoke with the boy's mother that afternoon. I thought that the hospital must have a tutor who was coming in at night to help him. The mother said that she did not think anyone went to see him at night.

Teacher to little boy - Does this angel ever visit you when you're at your house?
Little boy - Yes, she helps me study when I'm sleeping.
Teacher thinks about this before responding - Ok, well, tell her you have to learn your numbers now.

Under there

I was out sick one day and a nun was the substitute in my classroom. While she was reading the children a story, one of the boys scooted forward and went under her long habit. When I returned to school and read the scathing note I called the boy over to my desk.

Teacher - I have a note that says you crawled under the teacher's dress yesterday.
Little boy - She wasn't a teacher.
Teacher - What was she?
Little boy - She was like that thing you put on a Christmas tree, but all in black.
Teacher - That does not explain why you looked up her dress.
As if it were clear to everyone but the teacher, he replied - Sometimes angels don't have legs.

Probably

Teacher is sitting with a little girl and working with her on connecting letters to the sounds they make.
Little girl has an Epiphany - I bet you could use this when you read.

Phonics running wild

Little girl comes out of the bathroom - Ms. Cardello, there are two vowels in the bathroom.
Teacher - Excuse me?
Little girl - Two vowels went walking out of your class. The first one keeps talking and she keeps saying her name. It's really annoying. And now they are in the bathroom.

Do you have a mother?

Little girl - Ms. Cardello, do you have a mother?
Another little girl answers before the teacher - Everyone has a mother.
Little girl points to teacher - Even someone that old?

Don't fix it

A little boy looks uncomfortable in his seat. He is squirming around.
Teacher - Do you have to go to the bathroom?
Little boy - No.
Teacher watches the boy continue to squirm in his seat - Are you ok?
Little boy points to the front of his pants - Something is wrong down
there.
Teacher - Oh, honey, if you're not comfortable just go in the
bathroom and fix it.
Little boy - My dad said you don't fix it. You just ignore it and it
goes away.

Mark it wrong

Teacher - If one flower has 3 petals, how many petals are on two flowers?
Little boy - Sixteen
Teacher looks at the boy's picture - Oh, I see. You put 8 petals on each flower. The problem says that there should be only 3.
Little boy - Three petals is a sad looking looking flower. I think there should be eight. I like big flowers.
Teacher - You can't get the right answer if you don't draw the right number of petals.
Little boy - Ok, mark it wrong. I won't draw dead flowers.

Does that mean?

Every year my class writes letters to Santa in the shape of a stocking. We decorate them and hang them up on the wall until just before Christmas.

Several years ago I asked to meet a nice man. I met my husband.

The next year I asked for my own family. My husband proposed to me.

Last year I asked to find a nice home for my new family. We found the perfect place.

So, this past Christmas I thought very carefully about what I wanted. I need to finish my college classes, but I would also like a baby.

My class sat on the rug, everyone holding the stockings that they had written on. We took turns reading what we had asked for.

When it was my turn I read, "Dear Santa, I have been very good. This year I would like a baby."

One little girl raised her hand and asked, "Does that mean Santa's the father?"

I did not hang up my stocking on the wall this year.

Vital information

Teacher returns from lunch and hears that two of the boys in her classroom are at the Principal's office. She goes to the office and asks the boys what happened.

First boy - I bit him.
Teacher - Why would you bite him?
First boy - He was making faces at me.
Teacher - And did biting him make that better?
First boy hangs in head in shame - No, cause now I'm in trouble.

Teacher turns to the other boy - Why do you think he bit you?
Second boy - I was making faces at him from the other table.
Teacher - Why would you make faces at someone?
Second boy shrugs - I didn't know he was a biter.

How do you say it?

Teacher - Punctuation tells you how to say something. If it says...I love you with a period....you say it simply. I love you. If it says....I love you with a question mark.....you say it like a question. I love you? If it says I love you! Then you know you can say it with a lot of expression. I LOVE YOU!

Little boy - How do you say it if you're not reading it?

Was it you?

Little boy - Someone peed under the table.

Teacher to herself while looking over at the large puddle under the table - Who would pee under the table?

Little boy - Someone who really, really had to go and didn't think he could make it to the bathroom?

Teacher looks down at the little boy - Was it you?

Little boy - No, but maybe I should wash my hands.

My nose

Little boy - My nose hurts on the inside.
Teacher - Oh, honey, do you have a cold? Sometimes when you blow your nose a lot it hurts on the inside.
Little boy - No, I think it's the crayon I stuck up there.

Fair share

Math problem - You have fifteen balloons and four friends. What would be a fair number for everyone to have?
Little girl - If I have fifteen balloons I bet it's my birthday. I would give everyone one balloon and keep the rest for me.
Teacher - The math problem is asking for "Fair Share". That means everyone should get the same amount.
Little girl - Not on your birthday.

Sometimes

Teacher - What do you think this word is?
Little girl lets out a heartfelt sigh - I know this is important and all. But sometimes I just want to be with my mom.

I think I'm done

Little girl - "I think I'm done with Kindergarten."
Teacher - "Done?"
Little girl - "I can read. I can add. I want to try first grade now."

Like you

Little girl looks adoringly up at teacher and says - "When I grow up I want to be an old woman just like you."

Santa

Little girl - "Do you believe in Santa Claus?"
Teacher - "Yes, I do."
Little girl leans closer and asks - "Nobody told you yet?"

Scary?

Teacher - "Some animals are scary and some animals are cute. Can you think of an animal that someone might find scary?"
Little boy - "Animals don't scare me. God does."
Teacher takes a moment to think of how to respond.
Little boy continues - "He might be real!"

Gingerbread man

Every year we make a gingerbread man with the class. Of course, when we are baking him a teacher accidentally peeks in and he escapes. He runs around the school, leaving clues for the children to track him down. When we finally catch him we eat him just like the fox did in the story.

Last year when we brought the captured gingerbread man back to the classroom one little girl started to cry.

I said - "Oh, honey, don't cry. We're just about to have a little party. Don't you want to eat the gingerbread man with us?"

She made a sincere plea for the life of a cookie - "Can't we let him go? Hasn't he been through enough?"

We invited our third grade buddies over to discuss the fate of our gingerbread friend. After much debate it was decided that cookies cannot live in the wild. They are meant to be eaten. They actually prefer being eaten to getting soggy out in the rain.

The sweet little girl who had wept for the gingerbread man said - "Ok, then can I have the head?"

Little again

Little girl while waiting in line for lunch - "Mrs. Cardello, if you're ever little again will you come over my house and play with me?"

I loved you first

For Christmas this year I gave every student a pair of gloves with their name written on it with fabric paint. I asked them to remember me and how much I love them when they wear the gloves.

A little boy in my class - "Do you really love me?"
Teacher - "Yes, I do."
Little boy - "Even when I have a bad day and lose playtime, you still love me?"
Teacher - "Yes. It doesn't change."
Little boy is quiet for a moment then says, "I am saving your gloves until I'm a man so I can remember you."
Teacher - "I think that is a beautiful idea."
Little boy ...suddenly worried...."Do you think my wife will get angry?"
Teacher - very near laughing - "Why would she be angry?"
Little boy - "Because I loved you first."

Yes, that too.

Teacher - "Please do not touch the painting as we pass it."
Little boy reaches out to touch it.
Teacher says - "Someone worked very hard to make that. Please do not touch it."
Little boy looks right at teacher and touches the picture.
Teacher says - "During playtime you will have to sit with me to discuss this."


During playtime the boy sits with the teacher to discuss touching the painting.
Teacher - "Why did you touch the painting?"
Little boy - "I wanted to see how it felt."
Teacher - "You looked like you were trying to make me angry."
Little boy smiles - "Yes, that too!"

Don't touch me

Little boy to another boy who accidentally knocked into him on the rug, "Don't f****** touch me."
Teacher - "You can't say that!"
Little boy - "I can't tell him not to touch me?"
Teacher - "Grrrr....."

That's so sad

Little boy - "Do you have a firetruck?"
Officer - "No, only the firemen get those. We have police cars."
Little boy - "That's so sad."
Officer....somewhat wistfully - "Yeah."

Ask the officer

Teacher - "Does anyone have any questions for the officer?"
Little boy - "If your mom and dad go shopping and they take things but they don't pay...is that stealing?"
Teacher - "Put your hand down, honey."

My dad

During a fieldtrip...

Little boy - "Did the Policemen have guns?"
Teacher - "Yes, they did."
Little boy - "My dad has a beebee gun. He shoots squirrels and birds with it."
The little boy's mother - "Ms. Cardello, my husband does have a beebee gun, but I assure you that he does not shoot animals with it."
Little boy added in agreement - "Not when she's around."

Especially for you

Parent - "I know how much you love horses so I got this painting just for you."
Teacher - "Wow, that is really too much of a present. We usually just get candy or a mug."
Little girl standing innocently at the side of her mother, "She won it at a raffle. She doesn't know what else to do with it."

Another word for mother

Teacher - "A synonym is another word that means the same thing. Another word for Daddy is father. Your dad is your father. Do you know another word for Mommy?"
Little boy - "My dad calls my mom a whore since she got a boyfriend."

Meet my father

Little boy - "My dad wants to meet you."
Teacher - (shaking hand of the parent) "Hello. I'm Ms. Cardello."
Little boy looking proudly up from his father's side - "He's going to be walking me home every day now that he lost his license for drunk driving."

Where do they come from?

Little boy - "When I grow up I am going to be a girl."
Teacher - "Oh, sweetie. Little boys grow up to be men."
Little boy - "Then where do girls come from?"

Job descriptions

Teacher - "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little girl - "I don't know. When you were little did you know that you wanted to tell everybody what to do all day?"

Math revelations

Teacher - "Frosty was outside with four of his friends. Icy. Freezy. Chilly and Flakey. How many snowmen do you need to draw?"
Little boy - "Frosty has friends? All these years I have known Frosty and I never thought about if he had friends."

Milk from a cow

Little boy - "Does milk really come right out of a cow?"
Teacher - "Yes, that is true."
Little boy - "Who thought of that?"

Humpty Dumpty

Little girl - "Do you think Humpty Dumpty is angry?"
Teacher - "Why do you ask that?"
Little girl - "He fell down one time. Everyone keeps talking about it."

I love my mom

Little boy - "I love my mom."
Teacher - "That is so sweet."
Little boy - "Someday I am going to marry her."
Teacher - "Oh, sweetie, you can't marry your mom."
Other boy at table - "Because she is too told for you!"

Santa Claus and God

Overheard in line -
Little boy - "Did you know that Santa Claus is watching you all the time? He sees everything you do."
Little girl - "God is watching you, too."
Little boy - "Do you think they take breaks and tell each other what happened?"

Math values

Teacher - "If you have one dollar and you find two more dollars how many dollars do you have?"
Little girl - "Where did you find the money?"
Teacher - "That part is not important. Maybe you found it on the street. How much money do you have now?"
Little girl - "Just because you found it doesn't make it yours. You have to give it back. You still only have one dollar."

Chicken neck

Little boy - "Do you have a mom?"
Teacher - "Yes, I do."
Little boy - "Can you bring her to school?"
Teacher - "She's very old. I don't think she could come."
Little boy - "Is she chicken neck old?"
Teacher lectures boy on how you can and cannot talk about someone's mother.

Same boy a few days later - "Will you marry me?"
Teacher - "I can't marry you, sweetie. I am already married. Plus, I am way to old for you."
Little boy - "Let me see your neck."
Teacher wore turtlenecks for the next few days.

You work?

Little boy - "My mom can't come to the class because she works."
Teacher - "I understand. I can't go to my stepson's plays because of my job."
Little boy - "You have a job? When do you work? You're here all day!"

You looked so pretty

Little girl - "Ms. Cardello, you looked so pretty yesterday."
Teacher - "Yesterday? But not today?"
Little girl - "Not as much today."

You smell nice

Little boy - "Ms. Duquette, you smell nice."
Teacher - "Thank you.!"
Boy sighs - "Just like the zoo."